Rhythmandwords

Banter on Tulips and a Tribe Called Quest, Jay-Z and John Coltrane, Outkast and Othello.

2.27.2006

If I Ruled the World...

Now playing: Nas feat. Lauryn Hill, “If I Ruled the World”

If I Ruled the World…

Work days would start at noon and end at 4, in time for Oprah and to catch the subway before the evening rush.

"A Different World" would STILL BE ON. (As I see it, Whitley and Dwayne would have kids that would be like cousins to Ron’s. Shaza would come back to be with Freddie and Kim would be living in a bangin’ crib and practicing medicine on the Vineyard! Albeit, while rolling in a … you guessed it, burgundy Range Rover.)

Every Tuesday would be the first day of spring.

The stankety stank “lady” I sit next to at work would have to undergo mandatory employee “ghettosity adjustment training.” She would also have to come in with a real hairdo and not be allowed to sport a raccoon slung from a hair elastic. (I too am for the ethical treatment of animals. Lol.)

I would marry a man with Idris Elba’s looks, Dave Chappelle’s sense of humor, Will Downing’s voice and Sen. Barack Obama’s intellect.

I would go to the gym everyday and twice on Sundays.

Winter would not exist. At all. In any form.

At no point in time would close talkers be allowed to come within five feet of me for a conversation. For the ones with repugnant breath, an alarm attached to my earrings would go off if they crossed said limit. (At that point a midget would emerge from my desk drawer to handcuff them and take them off to Sing Sing.)

There would be a direct monorail from my house to Bloomingdale’s.

Every restaurant would make lovely crème brulee!

They would give awards for good Scattergories players. (I swear I would win. Try me suckahs! Lol.)

They would actually have pots of gold at the end of rainbows. And unicorns. I mean, you don’t know how disappointed I was to learn that they didn’t exist in kindergarten. It was like, “What? What do you mean?!” Lol.

Instead of setting us back 10,000 years as a people, the likes of Trina and the Ying Yang twins would band together and use their ill-gotten lucre to actually try to help educate some of their non-English speaking brethren. Actually, if the twins would just enroll in an “English as a Second Language” class, that would be a good start. I’d be happy.

9 Comments:

At February 28, 2006 11:55 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a trip! thanks for making me laugh out loud in con law. Can I take some liberty and add a few?

1. All WGO brothers would have to wear a badge permantely seared on the forehead. Hey, it would help everybody out.

2. There would be lotion and chapstick stands all over the world to help out those of us who get a little ashy in the winter.

3. I could make $125K sitting at home watching "A Wedding Story," "America's Next Top Model," and "Dave Chappelle."

 
At February 28, 2006 2:55 PM , Blogger Maverick said...

If I ruled the world...

1. You would post more than twice a month.

2. Lotion would be like clothing...you would never walk out of the house without it...

3. You could have permission to whip any and all people that were younger than you and not in your generational age group...

4. Cars would never need oil changes...

5. A person's metabolism would remain at their 16-year old rate for their entire lives...

...that's all for now...

 
At February 28, 2006 7:24 PM , Blogger Mahogany Elle said...

Anon -- Anyone who refers to "White Girl Only" brothas can only be one person! Lol. Love it! That badge would prove a useful tool indeed. Would allow us all to know when to keep stepping (but don't flip flops in the winter time serve the same purpose? Lol)... Lotion and chapstick stands should MOST DEF. replace all the liquor stores in black communities. There would be a rule that they were populated according to a city's propensity for ash quotient ("Chocolate City" and Detroit would get the most stands. Lol)

Mav -- LOL!! You called me out :) All I can do is laugh... I totally agree with you on the spanking quotient. Some of these bad behind kids would do well with a person to enact drive-by beatings. Betcha it would reduce the crime rate :)

 
At February 28, 2006 8:57 PM , Blogger Ja said...

If I ruled the world....oooh that's scary. At any rate, one there would be no poverty. Two I would always have the privacy I want and anyone that dropped by like my house was the "do drop in" would fall through a hatch door. Three physical education would be a requirement in schools public and private as wwell as diet, nutrition and well being awareness. Four, Frasier would still be on.Five, people would actually receive the salary they deserve based on their efforts. Six the word "any who" would have a fine attached to it. Six...there would be no traffic in California. I mean, I could go on and on. I think the top of my hit parade would be the fact that our government and policy makers would be responsible for the decisions made and the actions and results that follow.

 
At March 01, 2006 9:34 AM , Blogger Maverick said...

LOL at you for remembering about ways to reduce the crime rate. If we put the spanking together with turning the street lights on earlier, we might wipe out crime altogether...

 
At March 01, 2006 12:30 PM , Blogger spchrist said...

I only want to rule the U.S....the world is too much drama ...that's some powerful stuff right there.

1) No more paying by check in line at the store. Cash or credit.

2) The speed limit on all Interstates would be 65 mph.

that's all i can think of right now...

 
At March 02, 2006 2:51 PM , Blogger G. Cornelius Harris said...

LOL...Nice post...I'll keep you posted

 
At March 02, 2006 3:17 PM , Blogger Will said...

Classic Elle. Love it!!! :)

 
At March 09, 2006 8:24 PM , Blogger Honest said...

lol! I like your world.

 

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