Rhythmandwords

Banter on Tulips and a Tribe Called Quest, Jay-Z and John Coltrane, Outkast and Othello.

3.06.2006

If I Ruled the... Oscars

And then we'll walk right into the sun, hand in hand...
We'll walk right into the sun, we won't land.

"You know it's hawwwwwwwd out heah fo' a pimp" would not be the first dose of hip hop the staid Academy of Motion Pictures audience would have seen on the grand stage. Martin and Malcolm would not have yet another reason to roll over again in terra firma as I shielded my eyes from the TV screen :-)

I could have my own version of J. Lo's Oscar dress. Great style that girl has. If only I had her budget (but not Senor Skeletaur for a hubby)

The oh so graceful but ever so pale Nicole Kidman would have to wear a darker colored dress and a flashlight around her neck, so we could see her. Four words: Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Every man could dress as well as the oh so pimptastic Terrence Howard. He even pulled off a borderline "Brokeback" brooch and croc man purse. Think Marvin Gaye said it best: "Mercy, mercy me!"

There would be no affirmative action for average-to-ugly white women (ie Hilary Swank, Sarah Jessica "Toucan Sam" Parker, Felicity Huff "cause I look like a" man and the alien... I mean Olsen... twins). Instead, plain white girls would be called uh... plain white girls.

Every Oscar host would have smart zingers like Jon Stewart who quipped about a year of movie remakes. "Walk the Line--it was Ray with white people." Classic. It's what I've been saying all along! Lol.

Instead of giving loads of free jewels to celebs, they would give free meals to the needy... Or, at least free jewels to me.

I could go home instead of still being here at work on a Monday at 10:42 Eastern Standard Time cranking out files. And I would stop getting blank stares from higher ups when I explain that it's past 1865, so I no longer work extra hours for free. (Do I look like Phyllis Wheatley? Scram! Lol)

4 Comments:

At March 08, 2006 7:12 AM , Blogger Will said...

Total co-sign on the Three 6, Jon Stewart and "plain white girl" observations. LOL

 
At March 09, 2006 9:52 AM , Blogger Slow Metamorphosis said...

DOn't you LOVE Terrance. He is too fine for me.
And yeah um Three 6 wouldnt be my choice either because they are....so ugh to me!

 
At March 09, 2006 5:01 PM , Blogger Britjam said...

Terrence looked fine, but the man purse has to go. The man of the night for me was Ludacris, he was hawwwwt. Luda "You're my fantasy" lol

 
At March 10, 2006 10:06 AM , Blogger Mahogany Elle said...

*Will -- thanks for the Amen
*S. Metamorphosis -- that man is smooov for no reason. But something about him reads sneaky to me... Maybe his voice?
*Brit -- LOL. Yeah, dunno if I would be comfortable with my man clutching a bag. Love Luda (that voice!), but wonder what he'd look like without the cornrows.

 

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