Rhythmandwords

Banter on Tulips and a Tribe Called Quest, Jay-Z and John Coltrane, Outkast and Othello.

7.19.2005

Is You Is or Is You Ain't?

now playing: Maiden Voyage, Herbie Hancock

I think Black Sheep said it best, "Back on the scene, crispy and clean. You can try, but don't worry cause you can't intervene..." Not really the way I was feeling today, but I have to sort of hype myself up cause I admit I've been feeling a little, well, blue. I'm at a crossroads career/school wise and I have been hoping that God will point me in the right direction. And ...uhm point me to the bling... well at least enough to be comfortable. To totally permutate Billy Dee Williams' classic phrase in "Mahogany", "Success is nothing without [a bangin' 401 K]". Ha. How I do make me laugh.

Anyways, whenever, I'm a little indecisive on course of action, jazz seems to come in at just the right moment (Do ya thing Herbie.) And, in times like these, it strikes me as especially amusing to read up on the goings on of the world's most important citizens-- celebs, of course. Doing so somehow makes me feel more grounded and practical. And, of course I get a kick out of their stunts (see Cameron Diaz drop kicking a photographer, or Jay Z snatching a paparazzi's camera BK style.) Anyway, I once created a magazine feature that fictionally paired celebs, talked about what they had in common and what would precipitate a case of Splitsville. Luckily, I've found it among the relics of the past year (my stacks of books, CDs and take out menus). Don't know about y'all, but I would pay good American dollars to personally witness any of these unions. (or maybe just write a bounceable check. LOL) Presenting for the first time on Rhythmandwords...

“Is You Is or Is You Ain't my Baybay?”

Tyson Beckford and Tyra Banks: You might be hard pressed to find a better-suited duo: Banks, the diva who is said to have fought hataration from the likes of a Naomi who shall not be named to ascend to the top ranks of the modeling world and Beckford, who made Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak my Heart” video sing with his catlike gaze are so in love.
They fight over who gives the camera “better face” and who rightly deserves the nickname “Ty Ty”
She keeps her contract with IMG modeling and her “America’s Next Top Model” T.V. deal
He keeps the memories of when he was the best eye candy since Christopher Williams

Ludacris and Diana Ross:
When he moves, we move, just like that. But the ATL-playa was knocked to his knees when he encountered the original Detroit diva, Ms. Ross. They share a love for the spotlight, large mouths and of course, the biggest hair on God’s green earth.
The fight over who has the better ‘do, who can rock fur coats with more ghettois sparkle and whether more seduction seeps from the diva’s disco hit “Love Hangover” or Luda’s “Splash Waterfalls”.
She keeps her Afro wig and screenplay from the Motown film, “The Wiz” (she played Dorothy) He keeps the “Awl his Cadillac spills” and shiny new Air Force Ones

Mike Tyson and Angelina Jolie: The former boxing champ and pouting actress have one thing in common – they both, off screen and on, respectively, know how to kick a--. Jolie fell for the prizefighter because of his hunger for sport, his raw emotion, and yes, that Maori warrior tattoo around his eye (it’s so dreamy). Tyson admired her love for older men and her willingness to try new things (like becoming an adoptive mother)
They fight over whether she can really body slam him, who has better tattoos
She keeps her knife collection, previous divorce papers
He keeps his punching bag, previous divorce papers

Snoop Doggy Dog and Sarah Jessica Parker: These two came together over an obvious love for the bling. Sarah worked it out to no end on “Sex and the City” and now that it’s in reruns on TBS, the couple has had a little more time to borrow some of each other’s style pointers. For ’05: fur is still hot for the Dizzle. The S.J. Pizzle will still be rocking the Manolos.
They fight over whom the mirror calls “the top dogg of them all” (see Snoop’s rendition of Slick Rick’s classic, “Lodi Dodi”). Also, there’s conflict over access to the clear pimp polish (Snoop uses a lot for those second coats)
She keeps her shoes (of course) and royalties from “Sex in the City”
He keeps his pimp cane and chalice

Missy Elliott and Jermaine Dupri: Not only do these two hitmakers share the fact that they put a lot of time in the studio (she counts “Hot Boyz” among her hip hop hits, one of his best known collaborations was with Jay Z on “Money Ain’t a Thang”) but at just 5’ 1 and 5’3 respectively, they both share the experience of having been turned away from a few amusement park rides.
They fight over who holds a lifetime membership to the Wizard of Oz’s “lollipop gang”
He keeps Janet Jackson’s # on speed dial
She keeps her UPN reality show, “The Road to Stardom” and her Virginia Beach mansion

Jay Z and Lani Guinier: The owner of the “flow of the century” matched up with one of the Harvard Law School’s most loquacious black scholars? Look out Will and Jada. We think we have the new model black couple on our hands. Guinier will trade her tenured professorship for life as a rap roadie (“L-to the izz A, N to the izz I, that’s the anthem, get your d--- hands up!”). Jay will learn a few SAT words to accent his colorful phrasing.
They fight over whether Guinier will take time off from offering analysis of the affirmative action debate to indeed be “the hottest chick in the game wearing [his] chain”.
He keeps his millions and sexy Brooklyn accent
She keeps her legal briefs and institutional culture navigation map

14 Comments:

At July 19, 2005 9:57 PM , Blogger Will said...

Dot...your imagination is limitless. Love this post. LOL

Can't wait for the next installment...:)

 
At July 19, 2005 10:47 PM , Blogger Sid said...

BWah! I love it!

 
At July 20, 2005 10:28 AM , Blogger Maverick said...

Very entertaining...I would definitely like to see what other couples you come up with in the future. Plus, much respect to you on the Herbie Hancock. Though I probably like Ahmad Jamal more, Herbie is undeniably a genius at his instrument. I can't do anything but respect young people such as yourself and I who like jazz...I see from your posts that we need to talk about music sometime...

 
At July 20, 2005 2:02 PM , Blogger Zantiferous3 said...

Adorable. They do something similar to this in the *ahem* Entertainment Publication I am fond of reading from time to time. Which will remain nameless. ROFLMAO

 
At July 20, 2005 3:00 PM , Blogger The Humanity Critic said...

Very dp, I'm digging your mind right now. Bravo.

 
At July 20, 2005 4:32 PM , Blogger nai' said...

I just used that is you is or is you aint phrase in someone's blog today. Then I read this. You are so creative. I loved this joint. And yeah, don't you just love a Brooklyn accent. LOL...

Cee
http://nai.typepad.com

 
At July 20, 2005 5:02 PM , Blogger Closet Owner said...

Damn I wish I could write!

Well (Shaking my head...backspace my last entry and starting over form scratch)

 
At July 20, 2005 6:43 PM , Blogger spchrist said...

We need an eloquent mind like yours holding some sort of public office. The NY/NJ area needs you (scratch that) the White House could use some intelligent life form!

 
At July 21, 2005 9:21 AM , Blogger *Madosi said...

Interesting

 
At July 22, 2005 1:59 PM , Blogger mytruth said...

The madness!!!

 
At July 24, 2005 2:07 AM , Blogger mytruth said...

I meant it was funny, crazy, etc. That's all...nothing to read into. Thanks for stoping by my blog.

 
At July 26, 2005 8:40 AM , Blogger Gunner Kaufman said...

Jay Z and Lani Guinier

I would post a comment but i cant stop laughing!!!!

 
At July 28, 2005 7:32 PM , Anonymous Francis MH said...

It would have been hotter (because it was already hot) if you could have added some lines from Jay-Z's remix to Girls, Girls, Girls, and how he is dating this chick at college and how she dropped out of school...yada yada yada. Unfortunately, I can't remember the exact words so I won't attempt. Just wanted to add my two cents.

 
At August 11, 2005 1:52 PM , Blogger k.i.d.a.d.a said...

LOL...impressive match-ups!

 

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